Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Randomize
