very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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