you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Randomize
