you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
