Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Randomize