Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
