i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
