If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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