you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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