i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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