Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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