she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
