I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
