remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
