please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
