What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
