Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Randomize
