I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Randomize
