Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
