Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
