Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
