OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize