theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Come share oat with me in your robe
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
