i just sent this text using only my big toe
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
