1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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