it hurts more in the daytime
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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