Kiss
Puke
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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