i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
