No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Randomize
