I can tuck mytits in my pants
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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