did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
