We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Randomize
