we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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