The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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