I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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