i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
