How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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