We named our party play list daddy issues
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
