You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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