i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize