EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
