He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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