I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Randomize
