as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
