I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
