my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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