I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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