hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
