..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
Im part way to drunk.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
