Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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