i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
