We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I still have a little drunk in my system
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
