mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
