The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
