I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
