thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
