1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
My dick has a subreddit
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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