i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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