Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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