I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Randomize
