those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
