Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
