I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
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