wake up i wanna do it froggy style
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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